The fluctuating nature of sexual desire can present challenges in maintain a satisfying and adventurous intimate life. This is especially true when time constraints or divergent desires come into play.
Sex shops have long sought to entice customers with various games designed to re-ignite desire: sexy card games, adult boardgames, embossed metal ‘dice’ with a variety of suggested positions… whilst these have no doubt help for some, harnessing the power of spontaneity and chance is most effective when the game is tailored to the unique preferences of the game players.
The short dice game
A simple dice game I have found particularly effective requires only 1 dice (however many players there are!) and a pad of paper.
Let’s take the example of two switches. (Switches are practitioners of BDSM who do not identify as exclusively dominant or exclusively submissive.) In this case let’s imagine that both partners are predominantly submissive.
They both want to engage in BDSM as foreplay before sex but both prefer the other to be the dominant. At this point in their relationship, if neither volunteers to take the dominant role, the default they have fallen into is that play is off the table and sex is too. Neither lover is happy!
Here is how the dice game can be deployed:
1. Each partner takes a piece of paper and they write down 6 BDSM activities they would like to experience as the submissive.
2. They then designate one partner to be odds and one partner to be even. The dice is then rolled to determine whose list is in play, the other partner is designated as the dominant. (Where a thruple or more
are involved, the determination can be who rolls the highest/lowest number, with a re-roll in the event of a tie.)
3. The dominant then rolls the dice again to determine what activity is selected from the submissive’s list.
4. Both partners have 10 minutes to dress-up and set-up any equipment for the activity and then play commences for 15 minutes.
5. The partners then return to the table ready to roll the dice again and see what fortune dictates!
The long dice game
The dice game can also be effectively used on an on-going basis.
Let’s take a couple experiencing sexual disconnection. For a week, the couple decide to abstain from sex, instead focusing on intimacy. Instead of sexual activities, the lists focus on sexual currency. Sexual currency includes the various tokens or behaviours that build intimacy and sexual desire. A sample list might include: flirtation, sharing a bath, massage, cuddling.
Every morning both players roll the dice and consult the other’s list. They have 24 hours to engage in the
activity the dice dictates.
Modifying the dice game
The game encourages communication, spontaneity and a deeperconnection between partners. The game can be modified in various ways: e.g. adding secrecy to the dice roll selecting the activity and then adding a blind fold!
The important parameters of the game are:
- each player writes their own list depending on their desires at the time;
- the game has a sufficient number of rounds so that each player stands a chance of ‘winning’ an item from their list;
- each player undertakes to play fairly (e.g. no activities one player does not consent to, no ending the game suddenly because the dice roll was not in your favour!).
Do let me know how it goes if you try this game or if you have any fun modifications to share. Let the dice roll and may your intimate
life be filled with passion and joy!